Today is July 28th, where this girl named Ellen is feeling blessed on her nineteenth birthday. not only today, but every July 28th, every year.

Feeling excited, nervous (I don't even know why), old, blessed and many more. Nineteen, where people can see you as a teenager or a young adult. Too old to play Barbie, but too young to go through some rough things in her life. Too dumb to act like she knows everything, but too smart to cry over something that is not last forever- or to cry over people who're making fun of her, saying bad things that are not even true.
This year, I want everything change.
I want to be a blessing for people around me who truly love me, even for strangers who I haven't meet anywhere before.
I don't want to feel so old because hello, for grizzly sake I'm still nineteen and it's not that old, tho.
I want to learn how to trust people.
I want to forgive those who are hurting me.
I don't want to hurt anyone else (well, I'm trying)
I want to be the-new-me, without thinking over stupid things that can ruin my whole day.
I want to be a-better-me in everything.
I want to love people more and more.
I want to make my parents proud.
I want to pray as much as I can.
I want these 4 years in university are not in vain.
I want to make friends, as much as I can.
I don't want to be that sassy-girl anymore, and I'm trying not to be that one.
I want to be loved by people around me.
I want to make a good change.
I don't want to take silly things seriously.
I want to read my Bible routinely.
I don't want to spend money too much.
I want to be closer to Him.
I want to make people smile because of me.
I want to post things right here as much as I can.
I want to be more mature, I'm not fifteen anymore.
I want to learn Japanese deeply.
I want to try to remember Deutsch and learn more about it again.
I want to be a healthy person.
I want to focus on Jesus more and more.
I want someone who truly loves me and teach me how to be in love more and more with Jesus.
I don't want to see assignments as something that are annoying, I want to enjoy them.
I want to focus on my dream.
I want to go to Disneyland someday with my best friends and someone special.
I want to be someone who is useful, not useless in the future.

So many things that "I want", so do the "I don't want". Can I make it? I believe He will help me to be a better person in the future than who I was in the past. I just need to believe Him, trust Him, let things go as how God wants them to be. I don't need to be afraid about tomorrow, He provides me everything that I need. He is not blind nor deaf. He knows what I want, He hears your prayer and one thing, I don't want to worry about how things are anymore. (Psalms 61:1-4)

Do I have plans for my life? Yes, I do. Everyone does. I do have a hodgepodge of plans. But the older I'm, the more I realise that God's plan is better than my random ones. Just, give your teddy bear to God and He will give you the bigger one!

While I write this, the Preach and his wife from my Church arrived at my house, bringing some Birthday cards and wishing me a happy birthday. They send prayers for me and my family as well. I'm feeling sooo happy because they came to my house just to say a happy birthday to me! The Preach said that I do look so skinny and he thinks that I forgot to eat because of my campus assignment! ahaha.
Not only a very blessed prayer that he gave to me, but Bible verses also. He gave me these verses from Proverbs 3:1-3 as a birthday gift :)
"My son, forget not my law; but let thine heart keep my commandments: for lengths of days, and long life, and peace, shall they add to thee. Let not mercy and truth forsake thee: bind them about thy neck; write them upon the table of thine heart." -Proverbs 3:1-3
And this is the Indonesian version :)
"Hai anakku, janganlah engkau melupakan ajaranku, dan biarlah hatimu memelihara perintahku, karena panjang umur dan lanjut usia serta sejahtera ditambahkannya kepadamu. Janganlah kiranya kasih dan setia itu meninggalkan engkau! Kalungkanlah itu pada lehermu, tulislah itu pada loh hatimu." -Amsal 3:1-3 
thank you, Pak Pendeta for these all!
Oh once again, I'm gonna upload a picture of me and these gom se mari; my lovely bear-sisters lol (a picture by Ingrid 🐻)
I hope everyone is having a blessed day too!
happy birthday to me! 🍰🐰

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